Ask the Moms: How’s Your Mojo?

I was going to ask the moms about television watching. I’m always curious to hear peoples points of views in that, but then Im afraid we might get OMG! Your child watches TV after school??! I am a saint! My children have NEVER watched TV! We do spanish flash cards! Or something. I am so not in the mood for that right now. Maybe next week.
Sooooo.. let’s talk about sex baby.
1. When did you get your Mojo (see all the definitions of mojo– very interesting!) back after having baby? 6 weeks? 3 months? Still workin’ on it?
2. Does breastfeeding interfere with the bedroom? CRAP! I’m leaking again- get a towel or something! That milk is NOT for you! Of course that’s never happened to me. Nope. What about you?
It’s just you and me here, don’t worry. It’s like therapy session!! If you need therapy that is.

Published by Samantha Mellen

Certified personal trainer & health coach helping women transform their lives through fitness, abundant mindset coaching and internal peace. Mom of two boys, living life in Alaska.

34 thoughts on “Ask the Moms: How’s Your Mojo?

  1. We fianlly got into the mood about six weeks after baby, it has been hit or miss since then since my husband has surgery and is undergoing chemo. We are tired wrecks so we try to get a little loving in about once every week or two.

    I can't imagine how breastfeeding interferes with the bedroom since it didn't work out for me. I'd actually like to know how that works.

  2. I am still working on it and my DD is 17 months old. I work full time and I am just so tired after working all day and then coming home and fixing dinner and taking care of her.

    I definitely think that breastfeeding interfered with it. I was always worried about leaking and spraying and all kinds of other things. Plus I was so sensitive that I didn't want him to touch them.

  3. The mojo has varied for us. We've been back to normal as quickly as two weeks after a baby a couple times. Our youngest was a c-section & it took us about 6 wks to really feel “in the mood” after that.

    On the breastfeeding, it has never been an issue for us. I've nursed all our kids until they were 2 yrs old or older. I guess leaking is just something you get used to. I find it helpful to put a waterproof pad (like they suggest for cribs) under my side of the bed for the first few months. Leaking usually subsides for me by the time the baby is 3 or 4 months old.

  4. My hubby couldn't touch my boobs until a month after I weaned my daughter. I just couldn't stand all that stimulation on them all day every day. I needed a break for them to just be MINE again. LOL. Great post! I'll check back for more answers…

  5. Well me and my husband didnt start having sex till I was 2 months postpartum, (my poor hubby) and I still wasnt in the mood. I was breastfeeding exclusively and I think that had a lot to do with it, I didnt get my cycle back till I was 5 months postpartum, and thats also about the time I got my “mojo” back!

    I wouldn't say breastfeeding interfered very much, but in the begining my boobies were defintely off limits because any type of pressure on my chest would make them leak… a little awkard right? lol

  6. Okay, please don't hate me for my comments.

    I never lost my sex drive, in fact I want it more than my partner does – post-baby or not. I guess it depends what your definition of sex is. Intercourse after a baby – not so much – but that is only one kind of sexual fun and even 2 1/2 years after my third child was born we don't always have intercourse.

    I didn't care for my breasts much before I had a child and they weren't very sensitive either. After almost 10 years of non-stop breastfeeding I love them! They are super-sensitive and have brought a whole new level of fun in the bedroom. Does it matter if they leak? No. Does my partner “drink” some when we're having fun? Yes. My child suckling and my partner sucking are two different sensations – thankfully! We aren't bothered by milk at all.

    I know the most common problem is that post-birth mamas aren't interested but some of us are! You may just need to expand your idea of love making … !

  7. 3 kids, 6 years later….we're finally “getting it back”! But for the most part I would say I had the mojo back about 4-6 weeks pp.

    I don't thing BFing interefered. The only thing that did happen (and for a matter of fact is still happening 15 after I QUIT BFing) is hubby wanted to suck on them! He thought it was his! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ so yeah!…he's sitting next to me…better go!

  8. TMI alert for all of us?! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I had a sex drive all through both pregnancies. Got me into labor the second time, I think (night before).
    The first, I was a single mom (left the father during my pregnancy), so I did have a sex drive after my son was born, but didn't have occasion to use it for a while.
    The second, dh and I decided my body was ready again 5 weeks postpartum. My medical midwife was a bit miffed that we'd decided on our own, but I didn't have any tearing and healed quickly. Plus, just like in childbirth, listening to my body worked!

    Now, the way BFing interferes b/c my 15mo son is old enough that we can't have him “watching” (newborns don't notice or giggle at whatever you're doing) and lately, he seems to NEED the breast right when we're trying to be intimate! It's like he has a radar and wakes up! Augh! That in itself should be reason enough to ween. …kidding! But seriously: a happy mommy and daddy makes for happy kids!

    On that other TMI note: Me? Shoot the wall? Whatever are you talking about?

  9. Oh my goodness my mojo was back at about 6 days after delivery. It was insane! I had to wait the full 6 weeks though because I tore really bad AND broke my tailbone. But after having Lucy my O's are bigger (which I didn't think would be possible) and even easier to get. Knowing there is virtually no work required gets me in the mood at the drop of a hat.

    The only time BF'ing interfered was when my milk first came in and I was super engorged. Now, I'm still mostly BF'ing (9 months later) and don't leak too much. DH still loves my boobs but if I say “Stop they're about to let down!” He backs off that but we just keep right on going.

    We manage to DTD about 5 days a week. If were lucky its more like 7. Before getting pregnant we were going multiple rounds a day. Oh how I miss having time to do that!

  10. It took about 6 months after my cesarean with ds1 for me to be willing to do anything (took over a year for me to stop being in pain from the cesarean). It was about 3 months after my VBAC with ds2 & it was about a week after my VBAC with ds3. Hubby was paranoid about having sex before 6 weeks though (he read some story somewhere about a couple that had sex earlier than that & she died). By then, I wasn't interested anymore lol.

    I don't know how much is some major issues in our relationship, the lack of interest from breastfeeding hormones or just plain lack of time/space with 3 co-sleeping kids. Leaking has never been an issue here, btw.

  11. While you're on the subject, any ways to increase that “mojo”?

    It took us a good 3 months to get back in the groove, but I'm officially blaming that on retained product of conception that no one believed I had. I had a d&c at 5 months postpartum. Now it's getting better, but still not as often as either of us would like. As for breastfeeding… hubby knows the breasts don't belong to him anymore. But it doesn't affect us otherwise.

  12. Ugh….I think I am still waiting on my mojo and little Olivia is three months old! Mostly, though, the issue is that since I had a third degree tear, I am still having issues in that “area”, making sex nearly impossible. After visiting my ob, she found I had developed scar tissue and proceeded to scrape, burn and cut it out. Needless to say, I am still in pain and am a little afraid to do the deed! My poor hubby! He is very understanding and patient though!

  13. I got pregnant when we were married for 5 months, we were still in the 'newlywed' phase. The one thing that would stop my morning sickness (all day sickness) was sex, so we did it ALL THE TIME. We were like drunk monkeys or something.

    Once she was born, we waited the full 6 weeks cuz I had a cesarean and I was too dumb to realize you didn't need to wait the full time, and even that drove us crazy.

    I leaked everywhere. Hubby definitely got a few mouthfulls all the time. I was so full no matter if I had just fed her or not, and it was a constant leaking (heck, I still leak and she was weaned over a year ago).

    It took about 3 months for us to finally get back in gear. The dryness sucked, so we had to find lubes for it, and then I had a miscarriage abou 9 months after my daughter was born, and that put a damper on things for a few months.

    Now we're trying again so it is back to all the time like drunk monkeys haha.

    Sometimes if he lays on me wrong or we do something that makes my cesarean hurt, we have to stop. It is still painful 2 years later, and I don't think it will ever really go away.

  14. Wow Samantha, what a topic!! I had to read every single post before I put my two cents in.

    After my son was born, it took awhile for me to be able to have sex comfortably(my stitches were really tight from my episiotomy), but BOY did I want to! After my daughter was born it wasn't much of an issue since my husband was overseas. However, I started a new form of birth control right before he came home and I think that it is messing me up- I am just not interested in sex at all now and it's sort of uncomfortable. I know I need to talk to my doctor about it, but with 2 kids under 2 it's not high on my priority list, although I am sure it's on my husbands!

  15. I had major stitches after BB, so poor DH had to wait 7 months before he got any. We had been trying to ever since my 6-week all clear from the doc, but it was just too painful before then. There was plenty of desire then, probably because it had been denied for so long! Now that BB is older and is always wanting something, I find that the desire is lessened because I just want some peace and quiet to myself.
    The breast issue was never a problem with me, probably because it took so long for us to be able to. But, I also made sure that I had just pumped before nookie so that I was completely empty. I was extremely sensitive there during that time, which is completely opposite of how I normally am.
    My doctor was absolutely NO help during the 7 month wait! He told me that he could give me hormone replacement therapy to see if that helped with my problems, but I would have to stop breastfeeding in order to take them. When I didn't want to do that, he said that it must not matter that much to me or I would. Needless to say, I switched docs!

  16. Well I have to confess my mojo was always the best when I was pregnant! So it never got back to that level! But with baby #1 it took uh 6 months for things to get back to semi-normal. With babies 2,3, & 4 it only took about 6 weeks to get back to almost normal! I blame the issues with #1 on an episiotomy! And sometimes exhaustion was/is still an issue! Breastfeeding has gotten in the way and also became a part of our bedroom fun. I BF #3 for 2 1/2 years so we got pretty used to it!
    Oh and my kids so watch tv after school! The flash cards are hidden in a closet somewhere! And that is chocolate from a peppermint patty on my little one's face ;)!

  17. Oh boy. I was sooo tempted to post this as anom, but I'm going to be brave and post as myself. LOL

    I tore pretty badly when I had Peanut and I thought I was NEVER going to be same in that region. We tried sex 8 weeks postpartum, but it hurt SO bad we had to stop. It really took a good 8 months before I felt like it actually felt good again.

    Now, things are better than ever. Seriously. And we had a pretty great sex life before the baby, so that's saying something.

    As for breastfeeding, neither of us care. As a couple other people said, it's a totally different thing and I don't associate the two at all. It also helps that I normally breastfeed right before bed, so there is less possibility of leakage, but I'm not saying it hasn't happened!

    Great topic, Samantha, I'm enjoying reading all the responses.

  18. My poor DH …. when I was PG with DD#2, I was randy as they come …. felt great, looked beautiful, was so proud of my femininity …. etc. He got weirded out when I got pretty far along …. made me crazy; since I knew we would be on a bit of a hiatus after she was born. We were back in the game right about 6 weeks post partum.

    Now .. when I was pregnant with the twins, that's a different story ….I was so tired, all the time, and felt so exhausted. DH was shocked that my libido was in the toilet, since I was NOT like that at all with the previous PG. Now, the boys are 14m old, and I'm still having a bit of difficulty with the Mojo. I'm chronically tired, and there are plenty of nights where I'd much rather sleep than even contemplate getting busy.

    Breastfeeding doesn't bother either of us …. occasional leakage is no big deal.

    My big problem is switching from sexy wife, to sweet momma, and back again.

  19. I never wanted my husband to come near me while I was breastfeeding! With my eldest it took a year before I was ready for sex again.. A YEAR!!! Can you believe it? My husband is a saint for waiting that long. With my youngest it only took a couple of weeks and in fact our sex life has never been better than it is today…YAY!

  20. We got pregnant during our third month of marriage, on the pill and everything. By the third trimester, I was wanting it every day- even multiple times a day. We had sex postpartum at 7 weeks, but it wasn't the same. The “sled dogs” as we called them, were on duty, so he wasn't allowed to touch. And the dryness was not pleasant, either. After a quick check with my midwife and an understanding that until my mensus returned there would be little drive, we worked with it. At 8 months postpartum, I felt awesome again and we were careless twice (no cycle still)… resulting in my second pregnancy!!

    I again felt wonderful during my third trimester and we had sex often… even throughout a stalling labor. Once labor really started, though, baby was born in 3 hours- too quickly for me to have the water birth I had anticipated. This time, the drive took longer to return. Our first time was 14 weeks pp (my poor sweet husband) but once we started back, there were no sled dogs, no off limits. He did get a little weirded out when my milk let down because he said my breasts grew and got hard. But that wasn't enough to stop him. ๐Ÿ™‚

    At 8 months pp, we are starting to get the itch to throw caution to the wind once again… see what it gets us. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for a fun post!!

  21. Let me warn you the mojo drive decreases with each kid!!! I have to say we did not have sex until I was 6 mths out with the first baby. I did have a c-sec and was scared to death. By baby #3 I caved at 8 weeks. As far as breastfeeding it does get in the way. To me they are just off limiting and I would just say they are loaned out for a while. Now that I'm done I swear I have nerve damage! I don't want them touched and they never feel good so they are still a problem.

  22. wow! I love that you are all so brave and feel comfortable enough to share this information with me (and everyone else!) I know I would never be able to leave comments like ya'll do! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the great “talk!”

  23. what an interesting question.

    after amelya we hardly waited the six weeks. and while nursing my bra stayed on. major issues for my hubby, but i didn't want to shoot milk all over.

    breigh, six weeks. and he wanted it. i didn't care. still wore bra most every time.

    caitlyn. six weeks. him. not me. it took me a looooooooong time to get it back after having her. again bra on most every time.

    dustin. six weeks. and we both were ready. i wore my bra the first few times i think. and now it doesn't matter. it's a different thing now i guess. and that and after four years of nursing babies i guess i want it too. lol. wow. i can't believe i just said that!!

    after the miscarriage last month i've been crazy. part of it must be wanting to be pg again. and i guess the rest is that i've finally got a mojo that matches my husbands. :0) i think he's happy too!!

  24. Major stitches after my episiotomy which made our sex life suffer immensely. My doc said I hadn't completely healed at my 6 week appointment and I was honestly relieved it meant no sex. I was terrified that it wouldn't be the same or as satisfying to my husband after delivering a baby. I guess I worried in vain, because my stitches were so tight from my episiotomy that I ended up smaller than I started out. (Or at least it felt that way) We had a few failed attempts (had to stop because of the pain) that ended in tears (I cried, not him. He was always gentle and understanding, never pushy or upset) and I honestly worried we wouldn't be able to resume our intimate relationship for a while. My wonderful husband was caring, and understanding and didn't press the issue ever. Finally, I had all I could stand of the abstinence (My mojo never suffered, just my episiotomy scar) and made it through without my husband knowing it was sorta painful. That was about 8-10 weeks postpartum and by 16 weeks I finally felt totally normal. Having a newborn made it hard to have time for intimacy, but we made it work and we were able to go back to what it was like pre-baby.

  25. With baby number one it took a while to get my mojo back. I was scared to death. I thought everything would be sooo different. I finally gave in on his birthday (it was a birthday gift haha!). It was 8 weeks after giving birth to Caroline.
    With baby number two it was different. My sex drive has been nonstop since giving birth to Emma. I had my mojo back a few days after giving birth to Emma but we waited for 6 weeks.
    When I was breastfeeding, it put a damper on our sex life. Ryan was scared to death he would get milk on him! {haha} You know how men are. I would have to have sex and beb fully clothed on top to insure that he would get any anywhere near him!
    Now with an almost 3 year old and a 9 month old it is hard to find the TIME for sex. We have a date night at least one night per weekend. That is when we know for sure that we can spend alone time together. Any other sex we have is just extra. Ha!

  26. No problem with the mojo returning here though I was a little nervous that it would hurt but after a few go arounds I was back to normal and better infact. I was amazed that sex was better after baby. Babe is 19 months now and we are still three time a weekers minimum.

    As for breastfeeding I was a little weird about it at first because hubby can't keep his hands off my nipples but he thought it was great. He loved it when they would spray, weird maybe but it did it for him and my O's were amazing with all the nipple stimulation!

  27. i am finding more and more that although on some level my mojo feels like it's back, i can't get past the whole sexualizing/desexualizing of the tatas thing. They're either for food, or for fun, but they can't be for both! i can't get over the idea of getting human mouth germs on my nipples and having to wash them with soap (ow) before feeding Snapdragon. So that's not a good. That, and as went the conversation with my OB “what are you planning to use for birth control?” Me:”Cosleeping.”
    So we're two months out, and have flirted with the mojo on more than one occasion, but i'm just not all the way there yet.

  28. I think breastfeeding does make it harder, but it depends on your husband and if he is grossed out or jealous about it. I still can't say I have my mojo back after 2 kids 3 and 6, which is sad, because I used to be very sexual. But there are other issues in my marriage so it's very hard to say.

  29. We are still working on our mojo, we used to do it all the time lik 7+ times a week, so far this year we are up to 10 times. I think breastfeeding makes a big difference in that for me is lowers my sex drive a ton. I have always been the more sexually driven one of our relationship and without having a real need for it “it” just down't happen.

    Also my husband was afraid of my girl parts for the first 5 or 6 months so that cut down on the foreplay which let's face is very important to the whole act.

  30. This is a great question…
    I was mentally ready before physically able. We are now 10 wks pp, and leaking and waking baby does get in my mind, but with the right timing, and a towel handy, it can be done! The whole birth control thing does frighten a bit–all natural here and I haven't had my cycle yet so I am a little hesitant to do too much too often, which leaves us with other means to the end result, kwim?

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