I can’t believe I even have enough energy to type right now. I don’t really, I’m practically asleep.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more mentally and physically drained. It’s worse than labor. Well, almost.
I did great for 6 months. Getting up at one, four and six am to rock & nurse Lucas back to sleep. I was sleep walking. I was a pro. I could still wake up in the (actual) morning and not even remember the night before, because my body was so used to waking up.
I’m exhausted. I can hardly stand I don’t have any energy, much less the energy to hold and play with my baby. I need him to sleep. Why won’t he sleep? It’s not waking up and nursing back to sleep anymore. It’s waking up and he won’t fall back asleep. And I’m just begging him, please baby sleep. Please. Mommy needs you to sleep. Please.
He cried more last night then he ever has. Minutes here and there. I had no strength to even get out of bed. I would just lean over the crib and rest my head and rub his belly. Stumble to and from the rooms while bumping into things. Cry. Baby please, just sleep.
He will just look at me and scream. I don’t have a choice but to pick him up. I can’t say no to that face. He wants me. He needs me. I am his mother. I can’t say, no baby. I won’t cuddle you. I won’t pick you up. I won’t rock you.
I think he’s teething. Probably growing. Learning how to talk. Learning how to crawl. His body and mind are busy right now. But he won’t rest. He will nap, if I’m lucky, two hours a day. Don’t tell me that’s a lot. Because it isn’t. Do the math please. 8-12:30 up. play play play 12:30-2:30 nap. 2:30-7:30 play. I don’t have energy.
Maybe I should try changing his nap schedule again. Again again.
I feel sick. I’m sweating just sitting here. My head hurts. My eyes are droopy. I napped today while he did. Didn’t help.
I don’t even know how I had the energy to write this. There are probably more than one grammatical errors in it. Whatever.
How do you guys do it? I don’t think I ever understood the words Mom is a super hero until now.
Yes, he is eating solids. No, it’s not helping. Yes, I’ve let him cry for minutes here and there. No, I won’t let him CIO all night. At least not on purpose. Yes, I’ve tried co-sleeping. He doesn’t like it. No, the likelihood of my husband taking “night duty” one night isn’t great. I wake up anyways. I’m already up. I won’t even get started on that.
Lord, give me strength.