Living According to His Plan

I’m sort of struggling tonight. And, because this is my blog and the place where I write about things on my heart, I’m going to do just that.

Listen if you want. But I’ll write like no one is.

I don’t feel like I’m living up to my full potential. That’s hard to swallow when you tell yourself that and when you know it’s the truth. What is my full potential? Well, I don’t know.

I believe certain things. You may or may not believe them for one reason or another and that’s your choice. But I believe them with every ounce of my heart and soul and I’m confident in that. I believe God has plans for us. He has perfect laid out plans for each one of us. Big or small, successful or not, poor or rich, He has the most perfect plan you could ever imagine laid out for your life.

And whether you choose to believe that or not, it’s the truth.

So, I keep asking myself over and over and over again, What is His plan for ME?? I don’t know. And it drives me insane. I feel like I have blessed with many gifts in my life. I love to write. I love to help others. I love children to no end. I love health. I love to encourage healthy habits and educate people on nutrition and exercise. I love the poor. I love babies.

I feel like I’m doing nothing with any of those gifts. I know I’m raising my son. I get that. I know that is THE hardest job and THE most important job. I know that. I know I am called to be a mom right now and raise him the best I know how. I know that. I love that, of course and am thankful and so happy for it. But I want to do more.

I don’t like sitting still. And right now? I feel like I’m trapped to a chair. I have been trying to figure out for the longest time, what I’m suppose to do on this earth. Is it to *just* be a mom? I don’t think it is. I really, really don’t. I think God has more plans for me. He has something so awesome for me and He will use me and my gifts to bless others. But what? And when??

I want to do more. I want to do so much more.

And I’m just frustrated that I don’t know what to do or how to do it.

I feel like God will give you something to do and you will know in your heart that it is what you’re called to do. Well, besides raising ย my baby boy, I don’t know what I’m called to do.

We each have gifts, you know. We are given those gifts, I believe, so we can bless others. What good is a gift if you just keep it to yourself? If you’re a fabulous cook but all you do is cook for yourself? If you’re a talented painter but all you do is paint things for your house? If you’re a sculptor of clay but all you do is make pots for your own kitchen?

I want to find my gifts and use them right.

Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I’m not looking at opportunities the right way or using situations to their full potential. Or, maybe I’m not patient enough or seeing things the right way. Or maybe my job, for now, is right here and right now. Just being a mom to Lucas. Maybe this is it for a while and I need to learn to be okay with *just* doing this for now.

Does He have a purpose for this blog? Well, of course He does. I hope that I am able to bless, teach or help someone through the things I say here. Maybe more work is being done than I know. But I always ask myself, Is it enough? Is this it?

What about all those kids that I have a heart for that I want to bring into my home and love on? What about the bigger things I want to do with my writing? What about that lady on the street that I pass by every day and wonder about?

… this is the part where I don’t know what to say. Where I am frustrated and confused and bored. The part when I am so sick of living in this room and where I want to go screaming out the front door. The part where I want to pick up my sweet baby and rock him all night long. The part where I just beg God to show me the way of my life. Where I ask that I will learn to use the gifts He has gave me and be satisfied in that.

I want to use all of me in everything. In every action I do, I want it to be every part of my being.

I want to make a difference. I want to help others. I want to do more.

What if I’m not listening? What if He is telling me exactly what to do but I’m not doing anything about it. Is that a possibility? You betcha. What if I’m suppose to write my book but I’m not doing it? But then I say, LORD! I don’t have any words. GIVE ME THE WORDS! Or I should (try to) continue to turn this suppose -to-be-educational-parenting-resource-blog into a business. Then I say, well CRAP. Then what is this personal post doing in here?

There are many things I don’t know about my life. I don’t know much about where I’m going or how I’m going to get there. I don’t know if I will have one child or five. I don’t know if I will be a SAHM or work full time. I don’t know when we will ever get into our own house and wear more than 7 t-shirts.

I do know that I am blessed with an amazing husband and child. I know that I want to live fully and not just say it. I want to bless others and use my gifts and I will ask every day that I’m able to do that in whatever way He chooses.

Published by Samantha Mellen

Certified personal trainer & health coach helping women transform their lives through fitness, abundant mindset coaching and internal peace. Mom of two boys, living life in Alaska.

25 thoughts on “Living According to His Plan

  1. I think maybe part of it is right under your nose… well your fingers actually ๐Ÿ™‚ This blog is a huge ministry! Think of all the women that you have inspired lately, to be healthy and get themselves back. It may not seem like a spiritual thing, but it can certainly be part of your ministry ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Were we separated at birth? Insert baby girl for boy and it's all pretty much the same. I have different interests and such, but feel so trapped and hopeless in my inability to use them to any potential at all. One thing I found incredibly rewarding was donating time to the Angel Tree ministry where I live. That's code talk for I went and I wrapped a bunch of presents so kids without Christmas would have Christmas. We did adopt an angel and provided for her and that was nice as well, but it meant a lot to just 'do' something. Take each thing you mentioned and try and find one thing you could do with it. Babysit for a friend, church nursery, commit to writing one good thing to help others on your blog a week, etc. Just small steps may lead you in the right direction. I wish I had your courage. You are shouting your frustration and pleas and I whisper. Good for you.

  3. I can't tell you what plan God has for your life, only He can do that, but I can share with you a bit of my experience. There are many seasons in life and twenty-odd years ago I was in my baby raising season. My focus was on my family and home.

    As the years went by and my children got a little older it expanded into work with my church, beginning with teaching the 2 year old class my youngest was in. Over time and as my children grew I became ever more active in our church and in the community. Through the church I found myself doing things such as organizing a food pantry and assisting people with meeting various needs that they had. As my youngest became a teenager God brought me to a point of returning to school.

    Last year I earned a bachelor's degree in social work and this spring, as I turn 50 years old, I will graduate with a master's of social work. I don't know exactly where God will take me from here, but as I look back I can see how the path of my life has built to where I am now.

    I urge you to seek God as to what He wants you to do. he may lay out a grand plan for you, but he may just take you step by step on the path that He has for you.

  4. Great post. I actually MUCH prefer your personal posts to your “educational” posts. Thanks for sharing your heart and your thoughts. I think you've voiced the feelings of MANY stay-at-home mamas out there. I have FOUR kiddos and I am nearly overwhelmed by the burden, all while feeling like I'm not accomplishing much. Frustrating, yes. And if I have one more person say “Enjoy this time, don't wish it away” I think I might scream. I do try to treasure special moments with my babies, but there are times I just need to GET OUT and do something. But with three of mine being barely 2 and under, it's very difficult to do that. So I have no answers… except keep doing what you're doing. If you're watching for it, the Lord will show you what to do next.

  5. From a mom that works full-time and wishes taht she could have more time with her kiddos, know that you do have a full-time job and are doing A LOT! Raising a child to be a good person, educate them, etc. is tough. You lose a lot of yourself in the mix, but you are serving a HUGE purpose. My out to feel like I am making a difference is volunteerism in the community.

    Keep your head up and snuggle that little guy ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. It's probably hard to see, but you ARE doing it. You are striving to be a devoted wife, mother and you have this incredible blog. Don't let the world tell you you need more. Try to sit back and be content with what the Lord has given you. I haven't read it yet, but I am planning to read “The Mission of Motherhood” very soon. It came highly recommended and I can't wait to read it. Who knows what is around the corner for you (another baby maybe???), and why the Lord has not opened doors or presented something for you to “do”. I would practice learning to “Be STILL and KNOW He is God…”

  7. Looks like feelings are the same on both sides of the fence, whether you're staying home with your babies or working full time away from them. ๐Ÿ™‚ It's crummy, but sometimes God asks us to wait. So maybe this is a Waiting time in our lives?

  8. I think you can tell from the previous comments that you are not alone in this. I often wonder why I'm at home with my boys while my husband goes to work so we can pay off my student loan. I have a bachelors of social work but I haven't had the opportunity to use it professionally. It can be frustrating at times but while searching out the 'what-if's' I always end up knowing that right now my focus needs to be on my children. When they're older and all in school I will have the opportunity to use the education and talents that I have outside my home. Until then, I need to find a way to use them inside my home- which is always a work in progress.

    Do you ever have the feeling of deja vu? Someone once told me that when that happens it means that you're the place in your life that you're meant to be. It sounds odd but it always brings comfort to me.

  9. oh I remember when my first was Lucas' age and feeling the same exact way. In those first years of parenting we are still figuring it all out. And I think God gives us a season of “stillness” so we can!

    I've realized now that Kyley is older and we have a second child that raising them to be Godly men and women IS my calling. To take care of them and my home IS my calling. But I also have another ministry outside my home, but that didn't come until I was pretty secure in knowing what my role was as mother.

    You have a compassionate heart and you will know when the time is right to step out in faith into something outside of your home. You WILL know. I believe you ARE listening to the heart of God or you would'nt have even written this.

    And on top of that your blog IS a ministry. Pray about it and ask God where He wants you to use this. It can be HUGE!

    *hug* I've grown to love your heart from twitter and reading your blog and I look foward to seeing what God has in store for you in the near future!

    Melanie

  10. Samantha-I really enjoyed reading over this post. This is “spooky” but in a great way :)-I have been thinking the same thoughts you wrote about it. It has been very encouraging to know that others have the same struggles/questions also-take care

    aunteegem@yahoo.com

  11. Hi Samantha, the other commenters seem to have said the right things. I just wanted to add that asking these questions proves that you are open to God's plan. It would be not worrying about what His purpose is for you that would be more troubling.

    Keep asking and you'll find the way!

  12. I think that you are blessed that you know your gifts. That is a start to finding what He has planned for you. Just wait, pray, and listen. He will tell you what it is he wants you to do.

  13. Having read those comment before mine I think you have hit on an important issue. I believe God has a plan and he works it out without letting us see all that he is doing until we are later down the line.

  14. As you can see by all the wonderful comments before me, what you are feeling is very normal.

    I have a heart to work with at risk youth. I've volunteered in that capacity in the past, before children. I know for now, that is not where God is calling me. I know I have enough on my plate with working full time, being a mom, being a wife, trying my best to be a Christian.

    I think the best thing you can do it do exactly what you're doing…blog about it, pray, and wait on the Lord. I know it's hard to wait, but sometimes that's what he is calling us to do.

    Thanks for being so honest on your blog. It helps us moms to not feel like we are alone ๐Ÿ™‚

    Oh, I'm a follower now too!

  15. I could have written this (though secularly) as well. I know I'm meant for so much more (cue switchfoot, lol), i have ALWAYS known that, yet I make excuses and let myself be limited.

    But i figure, our clues to what we are supposed to be is JOY (like pain shows us what we shouldn't do) What brings you joy? Take some time out and really think, brainstorm, write down the “impossible”, even. Don't let yourself limit what comes out, and then write your dream life, what your interests and joys are.. then figure out if they mesh at all. Also make a list of what you do NOT want to do, where your skills don't lie (and you don't want/feel compelled to work on that), etc That's actually what i've been working on lately. Realizing where my weaknesses are and what things just bring me stress, so that i can figure out ways to do my passions without trying to push the things I know i'm not good with..

  16. Have you tried fasting about it as well as prayer? I have been there so many times, wanting answers and terrified I'm missing them. Fasting can make a HUGE difference, as it brings you so much closer to Him.
    I'll pray that you get those answers you seek! Hugs!

  17. The best advice I've ever heard about writing is that you just have to sit down and do it every day (or at least as often as you can). It needs to be a job for you. It's not about the words suddenly coming to you…it's about sitting down and grinding it out even when you don't want to. You can always edit later.

  18. Hi Samantha!
    I love your blog and it IS a great ministry! I think you have gotten excellent advice from all the previous posters. I wanted to add: I'm right there with you in figuring out what plan God has for me; but at the same time I think, no I know, our culture devalues the role of MOM and we often without realizing it adopt that attitude. That isn't to say there isn't something else God has for you now or later but it seems as if we all need to here how valuable what we do is.

    Also, you mentioned a lady you pass every day you always think about. My advice pray about it, and then find a way to talk to her. I was going to work one day and God (the Holy Spirit) told me to go down this one street. Close to work, but out of my way. OK, not audibly told, but I just felt like I should. Well, I was late for work and I didn't. I told myself I was being silly and I had to get to work and well…I know it was a prompting from God, because 6 years later I STILL wonder what God had for me down that road. You never know where God's doors maybe. It may be a prompting from the Holy Spirit. You may bless her life, she may bless yours…but if your always thinking of her explore it. God loves a willing heart ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. I felt this way a LOT during my twenties. I have only just found a sense of contentment as I had my daughter and started my etsy shop.
    I loved the comment from the woman getting her masters at 50, it just shows how our life really is an ongoing play.
    And I also agree to brainstorm and find what your dream is. Being a sahm gives you an advantage because you financially can go anywhere from here, you're not going to have to worry about going down to one income or anything.
    Good luck, have fun with your son, and keep up with this great blog. By the way, I love the personal posts ๐Ÿ™‚

  20. It's disappointing you have gone this way with your blog, when before you claimed to be neutral when it came to religion and politics.

    Your blog was great because it focused on the reality of raising a child and the hardships/wonderful moments…. and nothing else.

    I suggest you focus on your inner sense of morality, and not what a book, church, or others tell you to do. Do what feels right and what you want. Although some will claim that sense is actually “god”, what it is instead is your conscience. Listen to it.

    As for me… i'm off to a neutrally-based blog, which is unfortunately hard to find these days.

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