Mom Talk.

If you will, imagine as if we’re all sitting down at a coffee shop. We’re drinking coffee, (or hot chocolate) our feet our up on the foot stools, our kids are at home with daddy and we’re having girl talk. Mom talk. About milestones and non sleeping babies and the poop incident and the husband who won’t change a diaper. About the toddler who takes all your folded clothes out of the drawer, the baby who screams all the time and the kid who won’t listen to his mother.

Let’s talk.

How are you? No, I mean really how are you? Did you get some sleep last night? How did the baby nap today? I wonder if you got out for a walk today? I didn’t cause Lucas has a cold and I was tired. Although this morning we did go to the mall for about an hour. We didn’t buy anything, we just walked around with Lucas in his stroller. I think he enjoyed the stroll, as did I. I saw a naked mannequin in Old Navy. A naked male mannequin. It was funny and a little bit inappropriate. I’m not sure why he was naked but isn’t a little kid going to walk buy and wonder what the heck is going on? Why don’t they dress him?? I took a picture and sent it to my girlfriend because I’m immature like that.

Lucas isn’t napping as long as I’d like during the day, but I deal. He isn’t sleeping the best at night either, which totally sucks, but I think it’s because he has a cold. It’s not his fault. Yesterday I made him blueberries in oatmeal and he threw it all on the floor. I was so frustrated. He obviously doesn’t know how expensive blueberries are. I think him throwing his food on the floor is a way of telling me he doesn’t like it. Totally lame breakfast mom.

You know what I also don’t like? When I put a fresh cloth diaper on and three minutes later he decides he has to go to the bathroom big time. Three minutes prior he was wearing a disposable, so why couldn’t he decide to go to the bathroom big time then?

Oh, and last night I handed my husband the bag full of diapers and said, here honey. Do you want to throw these in the wash for me? And he looked at me, smiled, and said no. As in HECK NO. I decided it was probably better that way anyways because I’m not sure he knows how much laundry detergent to use and frankly I’d rather just do it myself than try to explain it all to him and supervise it.

He’s turning one (my son Lucas, not my husband) in two weeks and I have done nothing – zilch-nada-zero- to prepare or plan for it. We’re not really having a party, I mean we are but it’s a small party with some family that is coming up and my husband and I. I want to decorate but my husband doesn’t think we need to. He just doesn’t understand. So I don’t know if we will use fun plates or just the plates we have. Not like it matters anyways, I suppose. We also haven’t sent out invitations. I want to, but… I don’t know. Should I? Will I regret not making invitations even if I don’t send any out? The husband (again) doesn’t get it. He doesn’t see my point. I see my point. So I can’t decide who’s being silly or not.

And the cake. Well, whatever. I was going to make a cake but for heavens sake, I can hardly cook pasta. I’m afraid the cake will just turn out awful and my son will throw it on the floor and I’ll start crying because he just threw my home made cake on the floor and my baby is turning one!!! So maybe I will just buy a cake from Safeaway. Whatever.

So that’s the real reason why I called you here. I don’t know what to do. Will I regret not doing huge things in a couple months if I don’t make invitations and all that jazz? And his birthday gift. I have been trying to decide for months now what to get him for his birthday. The truth is, he really doesn’t need anything. Eventually I’d like to get him a play kitchen, but I don’t know if he’s ready for one yet. So will I regret not getting him anything? Mommy guilt 101.

Thanks for listening. You’re the best. Now tell me, what’s going on in your neck of the woods?

Published by Samantha Mellen

Certified personal trainer & health coach helping women transform their lives through fitness, abundant mindset coaching and internal peace. Mom of two boys, living life in Alaska.

37 thoughts on “Mom Talk.

  1. I think the birthday parties are more for mommy than baby. For my oldest, we had a HUGE 1st birthday party. I did it mainly for me because my husband was in Iraq at the time. I felt that I HAD to do it. The 2nd baby's birthday was more lowkey.

    Do what you feel led to do. As long as he's loved, it doesn't matter!


    ~ Jennifer

  2. Aedan's birthday is March 5, we are having a small family and friends party on the seventh at my house. BUT I splurged and spent $200 on a build a bear party for my nearest and dearest favorite kids. I offended people by not inviting their kids, but heck it was expensive.

    I still don't know how I feel about him turning one, I want another baby, but at the same time I am not sure. We have been though a TON of stuff in this last year.

    I like this post, it was nice. We should do it again sometime.

  3. great vent Samantha!

    i just made cupcakes from a box. funfetti. did the same for logan. he loved them. i think they're better than the store-bought cakes, and at least you are doing some of the work! plus cupcakes mean the entire cake isn't messed up, and there's a little portion control!

    we didn't get jordan much either, because he didn't need anything. logan got a SANDBOX when he turned one. fair? kinda not, but then again, jordan has ALL logan's toys, so it's kind of nuts.

    do you remember anything about your first birthday? do you feel like you got gypped in any way because of what you did or didn't get? no. it's all in YOUR head. he is NOT going to care and YOU KNOW how much you love him. a huge party or crazy invites or a spectacular cake doesn't mean anything about how precious he is to you. the way you mother him daily, however, speaks volumes. and you're an amazing mom.

    instead of making invitations, since you're not having a big party or anything, why don't you go to shutterfly or something after his birthday and make a commemorative photo book or DVD or something of Lucas' first year. you can give a copy to his grandparents and have one for yourselves. that way you'll have a nice keepsake for his first year.

    as for me, i just survived day 4 of my kicking sugar project, i'm PMS-ing like crazy, it was warmish today and i took the boys for a walk in the park, which was nice, and jordan's napping is HORRID lately!

    good night! πŸ™‚

  4. Well, I just had a 1st birthday for my son!! It was definitely more for me but I think he had a great time!! I say send out invitations and just go to hobby lobby and get some plates/napkins and they also have decorations to match some of the plates. They have a great felt Birthday Banner that is like $9.99 and you can use it year after year!! Don't stress out over it though!!
    I just posted pics of the birthday!!

  5. Thanks for asking. It was almost 40 here today. Yes, ABOVE freezing! We took a walk for the first time in several months. Rejoice! Keeley's decided that napping is optional, and in fact isn't tired. Until dinner time, and then she's crabby and wondering why we haven't fed her already. Immediately. That's a 15 month old for you. Now, or else! She doesn't think it's funny when we laugh at her demands, either. Post sickies, I am trying to get her down to just a couple of breast feedings a day, and she's not taking well to it, even though she had weaned herself down ahead of said sickies.

    As to the birthday party, the money shot is the cake face. That's what everyone will laugh at in 15 years. In 5 years, it's what you'll aww over when you send him off to kindergarten. Matters not where the cake came from. I vote for a box mix and homemade frosting, but that's just me. Much cheaper. We made cupcakes. Easier to serve, no plates, and single size for baby. Record the 'stuffing into the face' moment, and take some good pictures afterward of the smeary mess. I had thought about getting a balloon and tying it to her high chair, but didn't do it, and I don't regret the omission, now. It would have been a distraction. The simpler the better, in my opinion. That's what worked for us. My mom wanted ice cream, wanted the baby to have ice cream, but it was over kill and not really planned for. We got her a wagon and some necessary things like a winter coat and mittens (October). Maybe you've gone over this before, seems like I've told this story recently, but a new car seat if needed would not be amiss, either. No one will care, and you won't have 2 big purchases at once.

  6. We had a little splish splash party for my daughter Audrey (summer time). I put out a little baby pool, invited a couple other mommies with their babies. Bought little snacks and fruit for the mom's and babies. Everyone had lot's of fun and it was more like a playdate for a couple of hours. We sent out an email invite and said “no presents please” since it was something small.

    That night we had take out and boxed cake with just the family and grandma.

  7. Mrs. Flowers,
    I don't know how I feel about mine turning one either. Weird. I don't know about your last year… but thinking of you as you make the decision for/when #2!

    $200 for a build a bear party?! You are crazy! πŸ™‚ I could never spend that much on a party.. until they turn 16 or something. ha!

  8. Two months before my son turned one, we moved to a new state where we knew no one. For my son's birthday I had imagined a HUGE bash, completeled with a fancy cake that I made from scratch, decorations every where, his little friends from playgroup, etc. I even had the announcements made months before our move! Unfortunately by the time his birthday came around we had only made friends with one other couple. My parents flew in for his birthday but 6 adults and 2 children was hardly the party that I had envisioned in my mind. I was seriously soooo sad about this, I even cried a couple times cause I couldn't give my boy the party I thought he deserved.

    We ended up making cupcakes, singing happy birthday and had a few small presents for him. But the look on his face as he ate his cupcake was exactly what I had wanted. The night before his birthday I sat down and wrote him a letter, telling him about his first year of life and how much he's changed mine. Of course he wont read it until much later but I think that was the best gift he got and that's one that he'll remember.

    So, since this was so long, it's great if you can have the big party but it's the thought behind things that count πŸ™‚

  9. I should edit that I was so upset about not having a big party BEFORE his birthday. During and after his birthday I felt completely okay with the way things worked out. I still wish it could've been bigger (for my sake) but Kaden had a great day and that's what mattered.

  10. I went somewhat “all out” for Nathan's first Birthday. Afterwards I felt like I really didn't need to go through all that. The pictures are fun. He had friends and got presents, but he doesn't and won't remember it. We didn't have a party at all for his 2nd bday. Not because I didn't want to…I did, he would have enjoyed this one so much more, but things were really hectic at the time so we just spent some time with family.
    My advice…Dollar Store plates and napkins, a box of cake mix and store bought frosting, and call it good!!! You won't regret it, I promise!!

  11. I totally agree with the storebought mix and icing. YOu can easily make shapes with the cupcakes too. (See here for ideas:

    My little Samantha got mostly clothes for her 1st birthday parties…yes she had more than one. With family being so far apart, we did one with my hubby's fam that was just cake, one with my fam that was just cupcake cake, and one at home with friends that was a couple games and cake. I tell ya, the cupcake cake was the easiet and funniest to do!

  12. Lol! If my husband said no when I asked him to wash the diapers, he probably knows that I would dump the bucket on him or something. I'm a hot head like that;-)

    Happy birthday Lucas!

  13. Yeah guys totally don't get the whole birthday party thing-Ugh! I'd say have some fancy B-day plates and some kind of cake. For my son's 1st we got cupcakes-That way we just gave my son 1 of the cupcakes to eat/destroy ;)Easy/Peasy. I don't get too worked up about invitations for a small family party. But,it's all up to you mama what you want to have/remember. We just got done doing my son's 4th bday party this past weekend but, his actual B-day was Tues. And wouldn't you know he's got a little cold now too 😦 -Well,Good Luck -Love the Mom Talks πŸ™‚

  14. Skip the invitations! I would be special 1st birthday plates, napkins, a balloon, and a party hat for Lucas. It's simple, but still special (and works for pictures).
    If you want to get him the kitchen, I think it's something he can grow into. The 8 month old I babysit loves to play with the kitchen.
    Can't wait to see 1st birthday pictures!

  15. I have an idea!

    What if I don't do invitations but instead to “announcements?” Like little cards saying “Lucas is 1!” or something like that. Something simple but that I could send out to family & friends.

    Party hat! Good idea, I forgot about that

  16. Aw man I really feel for ya Samantha!I'm sure I will be having this same dilemma in about six months! Just tell your self that whatever does end up happening for Lucas's bday it will be perfect to him, since he won't remember a thing! πŸ™‚ Like the other ladies mentioned I also say do the funfetti cupcakes with cream cheese frosting out of a can, it's the best! Also as of invites, what about making a one year announcement at Costco or Shutterfly? I think someone else suggested that too….anyway, then you can send them to all the peeps back in Oregon that can't be there to celebrate!
    Okay that's my two cents. GOOD LUCK!!! Please let us know how everything turns out!


  17. Having just returned from a night of mom talk…it was fun to read your post. Isn't it nice to be able to talk about those little details that make up our lives and know that we aren't alone in this journey?

    As far as birthday gift go, I made sure that I gave my kids something for their first birthday that would be a keepsake. I wanted them to have something that they could hold onto forever and be able to say “I got this for my first birthday”

    For Sam we got him a Bible for his first birthday and I'm drawing a blank for Julia's first, but her second birthday (also her golden birthday) we got her a special jewelry box and Daddy picked out a necklace for her.

    One thing that we made sure to do is to have Daddy go shopping for gifts from him. I have a tendency to come up with most gift ideas and he goes along with them. It was really special to see what he picked out for the kids on his own.

    I think if you are going to splurge on anything for the first birthday it should be on good professional portraits – some of him and some of the three of you. The rest is just for show on the day of the party, but those portraits that capture who your son is at one are priceless. Studio shots are nice, but having someone come to your home makes them extra special. Just my two cents (or three – sorry this got so long – you'd think I'd be talked out after 3 hours with my girlfriends earlier)….

  18. For both of my kids we did something low key but special. My son's first b-day we had the party at an icecream parlor. He had a special hat and cake. We took lots of pictures. I don't think we bought him anything..but he received enough gifts from family members!
    My daughter's first b-day we took a few family and friends to the d-backs game (baseball). She got a new tutu and I handmade the few invitations and had a local candy company make baseball candy treats. We also took her to portrait inovations and had pictures of her eating her cake. They turned out so great. We didn't do a gift for her either. The party and tutu's were her gifts!
    I think it will be special as long as you add your special touches to this day. Take lots of pictures. The first cake is great whether you make it or buy it. Sometimes hubby's don't get it like us mama's! I have been talking about my daughter's 2nd b-day coming in July! My husband said to me, “I think I am going to have to rethink this whole birthday thing with a girl!”
    Remeber to write Lucas a birthday letter! We have made this a tradition for the kids birthday's as well. Have a great day and enjoy it all goes by so quickly!


  19. We are celebrating our little Naomi's first bday on March 13th! I had my friend make an invite that had a little picture of every month of her first year – it was really sweet and we sent it to people, like you said, as more as an announcement (I just printed them at Costco and emailed people as well – I think I am also going to make a little slideshow to show, nothing too cheesy! We are going to have friends and family over more to visit and see her than have a party! We are having an open house 1-4 and cake at 3 so if people want that cake shot, then they know when to come. A friend of mine had a whole bunch of soups in crock pots for her girlies 1st (it was in December, I loved the idea)! We are getting Naomi more cloth diapers (she will appreciate them, even though she doesn't know it) I am going to make her felt food (so easy and cute) and also getting her the velcro food that you can cut by Melissa and Doug. I also just found a neat card table play house on etsy that I am thinking I could make as well(you just put it over a card table and they have windows, doors, etc – well maybe for her 2nd bday) For our little guests, I am a first grade teacher so we get a lot of kiddos, I am going to have a little craft for them to do. For her cake, we are making a cupcake cake (those extra large cupcakes) – I think I might use that every year for her bday! Can't wait to see what you do – and can I just say, that was a fast year huh? I did make a little shirt that says “1” because I figure she can wear it while she is one, for as long as it fits. There are lots of ideas on etsy. Cute little hats that you can just make out of scrapbooking paper!

  20. You can get him a special cupcake made at Safeway or any local bakery! It's a fun way to make it special for them or for pictures, but not have to go all out on a whole cake.

    I am a HUGE fan of cupcakes. I order them from The Nugget (a local grocery store) and then add my own decoration to the tops. I put them on a cupcake stand and call it a day!

    Glad you had your mom talk here… I need to do that too. Feels so much better when you let it all out πŸ™‚

  21. We just had Clara's first birthday party. Just family, all 15 of us. I invited people on Evite (with pictures-so long distance family got one too). I knew it was totally for me so I did the things that were important to me. I had hubby decorate (bad idea, he didn't want to). I decorated a cake I baked myself (I am so glad I did. It didn't have to be perfect, but I want to decorate my kids' cakes and I have to start somewhere. But it was cute.) I bought a $40 organic waldorf doll (Um, it's still in the box–wrapped. We didn't open it at the party since her aunt bought her a Walmart doll, and there just hasn't been the right moment since. Presents aren't a big deal.) We bought her a balloon bouquet from party craft (I am so impressed with their balloons). She LOVED them. They were the best present we could have gotten her (from her perspective).

    Do what you think is important. If YOU want announcements, do them. If you want to decorate a cake, do it (Carrs sent me a coupon for a free Baby cake with the purchase of a larger cake–it looked cute). Take lots of pictures, but don't worry about the perfect gift. Treasure your little one, relax and enjoy your party.

    I have lots of birthday pictures on our blog!

  22. What a wonderful post Samantha! I need girl talk. I try to have it with my friend Tasha but there are 4 kids fighting for our attention so we talk in very short sentences. “Ugh. David isn't sleeping at night.” “Oh. That stinks. Shawn is better now.” Then kids interrupt.

    I am struggling with my 10 month old David not sleeping well at night. He won't go to sleep and stay asleep unless I am in the bed with him. Well that has GOT to change since I need my time to unwind and relax without a kid on me.

    So that is my life πŸ™‚ Thank you for listening LOL

  23. We emailed invitations to Peeper's first birthday party, and then had ( thank you cards printed w/photos from the party, and sent those to those who came, sent gifts, or were instrumental in making the day happen. (Like our fertility doc and Peeper's cardiologist.)

    We did the same thing for Christmas – sent e-cards in December, and then sent thank you notes w/a photo of Peeper w/Santa and one of the three of us in front of our tree.

    So, what I'm saying is – If you want a card with a picture of my kid, you gotta give us a gift! πŸ˜‰

  24. i love the announcements idea! you could even put some of his first-year milestones on it or something. you know, the dates of his first laugh, first step, first flight, etc. πŸ™‚

  25. Coffee. I'm drinking coffee. Extra cream and sugar. Okay…

    1st Birthdays really are for the mom. I mean, we know they won't remember it. I had a really, really hard time emotionally with Maddie turning one. So somehow it made it easier to celebrate it!

    Her 2nd birthday (today, she's 2 today!) is going to end up being even bigger. It's still just immediate family, but that's still about 40 people. But we're in our new house this year, so I'm excited to actually host her party this year. Idk. It's probably still for me. I'm just making an effort to make sure that she has a good time. I'll have pictures up next week. Not having a bunch of people is great! You can make it really special without spending a lot of cash.

    As for invitations, I think they are kind of pointless, especially if everyone that is coming already knows about it already. Announcements are a cute idea! But some people might think you are asking for a gift. I know when I sent out birth announcements I started getting gifts from out of town family and I was like Oh no! I didn't mean that! I just wanted you to see my beautiful baby! lol

    Good talk.

  26. Okay girl, first of all, you are not being silly. Husbands do not understand all the important fluff and stuff that we care about and that's ok 'cause they take care of other things. You just do what you need/want to do for this party and he will be fine with it. You know you won't go overboard w/the cost because you are smart and frugal.

    Pick a few things that are really important to you: a banner, invitations, a custom bday hat, the cake, the gift(s)…
    You don't have to go all out on everything. Just get a few things that will make it special. I like some of the other ideas here like the felt banner (I made one, but it took forever so if you can find a unique one at Hobby Lobby then do it).
    Make a box mix cake (you need those pics of him smashing it!)
    You can always do an E-vite for invitations.
    And others will get him gifts so it's not like you need to go buy a bunch of stuff. He won't know. But of course YOU will…I dealt with this too. I have to always have a memory of what I got my daughter for her first bday! So get one special thing (kitchen set is what we did πŸ˜‰ and be happy about it!
    Lucas will love whatever his mommy plans for him πŸ˜‰
    Please don't stress about it anymore. It will be fine and fun and memorable whatever you do.

    I love hearing you vent because it sounds like what goes on in my little head too.

  27. we got Little Guy a wheelie bug for his first birthday (
    It was the best toy he's ever gotten! Before he could walk independently, he'd push it around (ALL DAY!). He loves riding on it now.

    It's better than all the other ride-on toys we've seen, since the wheels are casters, allowing it to spin around and turn corners easily. They are also so, so cute, and very lightweight! We got the small size, but now LG (at nearly 2) is just able to start using the bigger size.

    His first birthday will be special and memorable no matter where you get your cake from or what your invitations look like.

  28. We just had Ella's 1st bday 2 weeks ago…we kept it really small just my immediate family, I said no presents, I wanted people to donate money to Haiti instead in Ella's name. She does not need anymore toys. We just made low key food. I would have felt guilty for spending too much money or time if I did it anyother way. She doesn't know. Good luck! πŸ™‚

  29. I loved the post, I'm too exhausted to write a long reply…long week with a non-sleeping baby! We always do the postcard type thing for invites…my husband creates it in some design program and saves it as a jpeg and then we can just send it to a 1 hr photo place, buy cute colored envelopes and some birthday type stickers to dress up the outside of the envelope and call it a day. Cute and they're like 25 cents a piece. As for a cake I would buy one, they're not expensive and then you know it will taste good and won't feel bad if he just throws it on the floor. Whatever you do it will be perfect!

  30. I feel your night time pain! My 18 month old rarely sleeps all night. We completely cut all things dairy from his diet thinking that might help. While it has helped eliminate ear infections, it did nothing for the sleep situation.

    I made my son's first birthday cake. He loved it, but NO ONE else did. It was dairy-free and the biggest mistake, sugar-free! My 2 year old nephew spit it out and said, “I don't love it Aunt Sarah!” It was pretty gross, but live and learn. :o)

    My in-laws are coming to visit this weekend. I love them, but they really upset me because they don't respect or understand my decisions with my son. No dairy, no TV, 7-7:30 is bed time not dinner time, no artificial sweetners or dyes, and no disposable diapers or wipes.

    Every time they visit, they insist on buying new toys and clothes. When we visit them, they shower he and my nephews (3 & 5) with “prizes.” They are cheap, totally age inappropriate things (silly putty for a 6 month old and a game for 8+ at 13 months).

    Thanks for letting me share! Hang in there, you're not alone! I enjoyed reading your vent because it makes me feel like I am not alone either. Isn't the mommy guilt awful?! :o)

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