I wrote this post a couple months ago and never published it. I wrote it a bit after I had completly night weaned Lucas, I wrote about that here. It’s not relevant to me anymore, because Lucas is now 100% weaned all together – we made it to 1 year, my goal!- but I wanted to share it with you anyways. Maybe some of you are night weaning, or want to night wean or are considering it… here is my new take on it.
I know this is probably going to sound silly. You’re probably going to think I’m a little crazy or indecisive. And that’s fine. I’m not arguing with you. But you know, sometimes as a parent your might “experiment” with your parenting choices. You try making your own baby food for a while and you don’t like it, so you go back to jarred foods. You try putting your child on a schedule for a while and then you stop. Whatever it may be, you try different stuff until you find what works for you. Or, you find what works for you right now as every week or month might be different. I think I found what works for me. Or at least what’s working this week.
I don’t think I’m going to work on or night wean Lucas anymore. I know, I know. I just wrote that incredibly long (but hopefully helpful) post on how I night weaned him. But, I’m reconsidering things.
I’ll tell you why.
Well, I don’t really have to have a reason. I just don’t want to. I just…. don’t want to. Some nights he might nurse, some nights he might not. Whatever. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.
You know what? I love LOVE sleeping with my baby. He doesn’t sleep with me much anymore, but he used to sometimes…whenever he wanted to. Last night I nursed him in my bed and afterwards he fell asleep cuddled in my arms with his hand on my face. It was like he was holding me. I wish I could adequately describe it to you. We were breathing the same air. I could hear him and feel him move. Our bodies kept each other warm. It was one of my favorite moments.
So you know what? I don’t want to miss any more of those moments. I don’t want to look back and wish that I would have let him sleep with me longer. I don’t want to look back and wish that I wouldn’t have let him cry for 5 minutes. I don’t want to look back and wish I would have held him more. I want to live in the moment. And if I live in the moment, it means I get up from my bed when my son calls for me. It means I hold him or nurse him back to sleep. It means I bring him into bed with me and he falls asleep in my arms.
He knows the sign for milk now. It is possibly one of the cutest things I have seen him do. Like, he can communicate. It is just so amazing. If he wants milk, he tells me he wants milk. What am I suppose to do? Say no to THAT? Not possible. Sorry, not happening.
The first two months of his life Lucas and I spent our days on the couch. I remember those days so well. I remember the drools and the sleeping on my chest. I remember the nursing marathons and the bare skin against bare skin. I remember those beautiful days.
Sure I may be emotional (I’m not pregnant) because my son is turning one in March. But, I think after I wrote that entire post on night weaning, I woke up one morning and brought him into bed with me and thought forget it. I don’t need to sleep 9 hours in a row. I have slept in 4, 5, 6 hour chunks for 11 months know and I am fine. I’m more than fine. I’m great.
Who ever thinks that moms need or should sleep 8 hours in a row, is totally over thinking things.
Now Lucas is 12 months and is no longer nursing. He still wakes up once a night- usually around 3am- even though he isn’t nursing! I’m hoping that he will grow out of it soon, but it just goes to prove that just because you stop nursing at night doesn’t mean your child will start sleeping all night! They still wake up. It’s normal.