Ask the Moms: Bedroom Romance & Co -Sleeping?

Happy Friday everyone! I hope you’re enjoying this day.

Today’s question ( a great one by the way!) is from reader Jennifer. She asks:

I have a 3 year old boy and he normally falls asleep in our bed or ends up at some point in our bed during the night. My husband and I don’t mind it at all and figure that one day we will be wishing he still wanted to cuddle and sleep with us. But my question for the moms is how do you keep the intimacy going with a child in the bed?

Good question… how do you?? I’ve heard from some co sleeping families that in order to have mommy/daddy time they have to make time for it somewhere else. If you sleep with your children on a daily basis, what works for you? How do you do it? I don’t mean IT…well, I guess I do… you know what I mean.

I know this is an issue with many co sleeping families. Let’s help each other out!

Published by Samantha Mellen

Certified personal trainer & health coach helping women transform their lives through fitness, abundant mindset coaching and internal peace. Mom of two boys, living life in Alaska.

18 thoughts on “Ask the Moms: Bedroom Romance & Co -Sleeping?

  1. Our children only sleep with us or in our room until about 6 or 7 months old but just having children in the house can make it difficult to be intimate.

    The first thing you have to do is decide what intimacy actually means to you and your partner and make sure that you're on the same wave length. If it's just time alone together than set a weekly or bi-weekly date night. As soon as the kids go to bed bust out a board game, a movie, an old photo album, the budget that needs redoing, the meal plan for the week, or a late dinner for just you two.

    If you're able to get out without the kids then there are usually lots of free/low cost dates you could go on. Picnic in a park, a free concert, dance lessons, hiking etc.

    If intimacy means things like a foot rub or message try right after the kids go to sleep or early in the morning.

    If it means something more than just being together how about taking time off work in the afternoon when the kids are napping? Or trying to get away for a night? Sometimes it calls for some creativity to think outside the bedroom- do you have a guest room? A living room?

    Haha I'm blushing enough writing this so I'm gonna stop there but remember that connecting with your partner is SO important not just for the two of you but for your children to see the strong relationship that you have.

    Good luck!

  2. COUCH! My 3yo almost always ends up in bed with us at some point so usually we have time before he gets up but if not, you have the next best thing, the couch. As long as you make sure the child is asleep first. Mine has trouble getting to sleep so we have to wait quite awhile before all is clear 😉

  3. Lol… basically anywhere we can! And it usually ends up being the floor or couch.

    My 3 year old has co-slept with us most of his life and we enjoy it. Our 10 month old also co-sleeps some and it is a tight fit with arms and legs everywhere! But, we wouldn't have it any other way.

  4. Ours thoughts are that when we go into bed, we go to sleep. We have DTD anywhere, anytime, but we can only co-sleep with our baby for such a short period. We find ways to make it work- and because of it it's made us much more creative and fun!

  5. Our kids (ages 1 & 2) go to sleep in their own beds about 3 nights a week but often end up in ours by morning. Except for Sunday mornings. My husband loves to sleep in on Sundays (and for us, 8am is sleeping in) so we have a baby gate in front of their bedroom door and I just get up with them in the morning.

    Specifically speaking of sex (is it a taboo word?) we just do it when the kids aren't in the bed. It's not too complicated. There is no way I'm paying for sex, even if that means paying for a hotel and a sitter. The kids are asleep anyway- moving them into their own bed once or twice a week doesn't hurt them.

    It's good for the kids to know some boundaries. Once they reach a certain age, they can be taught to respect other peoples space and privacy. Until then, do it while they sleep!

  6. I cannot imagine co-sleeping is ever healthy for the child or parents. Yes I understand when our infants need to be in the room with us but at some point they need to be in their own room. If you really miss it that bad go sleep in their bed for a little.

    I have a strict rule that if the kids want to cuddle we can do so a little before they fall alseep (in their bed) and then they stay in bed until the morning. I am all for cuddling in the mornings with my kiddos in the bed, reading books, and watching some sprout.

    I know their are other ways to be intimate but how do you really plan on making more babies if you have one sleeping in your bed with you all the time. I just cherish the time I have with my husband in bed, whether it be cuddling, talking, or “it.” And on top of all that I have waken up one too many times with my first little one and a wet bed. Good for you if you can make it work but it drives me crazy!

  7. I cannot imagine co-sleeping is ever healthy for the child or parents. Yes I understand when our infants need to be in the room with us but at some point they need to be in their own room. If you really miss it that bad go sleep in their bed for a little.

    I have a strict rule that if the kids want to cuddle we can do so a little before they fall alseep (in their bed) and then they stay in bed until the morning. I am all for cuddling in the mornings with my kiddos in the bed, reading books, and watching some sprout.

    I know their are other ways to be intimate but how do you really plan on making more babies if you have one sleeping in your bed with you all the time. I just cherish the time I have with my husband in bed, whether it be cuddling, talking, or “it.” And on top of all that I have waken up one too many times with my first little one and a wet bed. Good for you if you can make it work but it drives me crazy!

  8. I am sorry but I am some what offended at the above comment… You make it out like it is a really BAD thing to have your child in bed with you. I know many parents and children who co-sleep and are healthy people. I dont think the question was about being judged for co-sleeping but ideas about keeping the intimacy going. Everyone can use some tips even if they dont have a child that ends up in bed with them at some point…

  9. I personally enjoy the quiet peaceful talks and intimacy shared with my spouse after the kids are tucked safely in bed.
    The bible says put God first, then your spouse, then your kids….so quality time with your spouse alone should be important to a healthy marriage:)
    But obviously that is just my opinion. I see perfectly healthy families that sleep togehter as well, it is just not for me.

  10. I LOVE co sleeping and am doing it with my 2 year old now. Samantha, do you sleep with Lucas? We just have romantic time other places, no big deal.

  11. Our daughter sleeps in a co-sleeper in our room. When she wakes in the morning she lets us know and joins us in bed. We have tried moving her to her own room but she is more comfortable in our room and for right now we are too. I have no doubt that eventually she will migrate to her own room but right now this is what works for us.

    I think the best thing to do is what's best for your family. If you feel like it is a struggle to find intimate time or the co- sleeping is interfering with time with your husband it may be time to consider a change. However, for many (us included) it's easy to be sneaky or find alternative locations and/or times.

    I can assure the above commentor that we are a very “healthy” family! ; )

    When I was looking for other mamas thoughts on this subject a few weeks ago I really enjoyed Metropolitan Mama's thoughts. You may also: http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/10/co-sleeping-and-your-sex-life-what-you-need-to-know/

  12. Our daughter sleeps in a co-sleeper in our room. When she wakes in the morning she lets us know and joins us in bed. We have tried moving her to her own room but she is more comfortable in our room and for right now we are too. I have no doubt that eventually she will migrate to her own room but right now this is what works for us.

    I think the best thing to do is what's best for your family. If you feel like it is a struggle to find intimate time or the co- sleeping is interfering with time with your husband it may be time to consider a change. However, for many (us included) it's easy to be sneaky or find alternative locations and/or times.

    I can assure the above commentor that we are a very “healthy” family! ; )

    When I was looking for other mamas thoughts on this subject a few weeks ago I really enjoyed Metropolitan Mama's thoughts. You may also: http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/10/co-sleeping-and-your-sex-life-what-you-need-to-know/

  13. Aedan slept in bed with us until he was about 9 months old, then his bed was still in our room because we just moved to a big house and I wasn't ready to have him so far away.

    But for intimacy we would take advantage of nap time, we would put him to sleep in his pack and play and just use another room. We never REALLY got to do it when we wanted to until we moved him to his toddler bed in his own room a few months ago…and now we are pregnant again.

    We know we will move this baby to it's own room sooner that we did with Aedan but we still plan on having a short period of co-sleeping and a short period of sharing our room with baby. It just makes me and Jeff comfortable.

  14. We have never co-slept and I am proud to say my daughter is a fantastic sleeper because of it. My husband and I get our alone time each and every night and our daughter still has a very tight-knit bond with us but is still independent and confident enough to fall asleep on her own, in her own bed, every night. I know co-sleeping is preferred by a lot of families but I just don't believe in it. I also firmly believe the American Academy of Pediatrics' warning that it causes higher rates of SIDS. But that is just my opinion as I know families have done it for thousands of years and will continue to do so. But not this family! 🙂

  15. This is a good question! We co-sleep with our children (2 and 1/2 boy and almost 4 month old girl). To answer that question..If we have a chance and everybody is asleep we just go to another room in the house. Not because we co-sleep it means we won't have our time as a couple and the bed is not the only place to do it…Could be in another room…in the garage…just use your imagination…hahaha. We love co-sleeping…it works good for our family.

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