When I Wish There Were Two of Me

I have been sitting here for, mmm approximately seven minutes, typing some words and sentences and then pushing the back space bar. I have been bad at this lately, getting my thoughts and emotions out on paper so that they make sense and I can actually, you know, get my thoughts and emotions “out there” the right way. My head hurts tonight too, which isn’t helping. Strange, I don’t remember the last time I had a headache.  Anywhoo. Here is my attempt to say what I’m thinking and feeling in less than five minutes (because I really want to take a shower and go to bed now that I’ve (finally) got Joshua sleeping) in a way that might possibly hopefully make sense. Which I’m sure it will because you’re a mom too. Obviously. 

I need more arms. 
Or a smaller heart. Because my heart is big for my boys and I want to hold both of them at the same time. 
I hate it when both children are crying and I can’t hold both of them. I hate that! I want to hold both of them. 
I hate it when they both need me and I can’t fully attend to both of their needs. I haaaate when Lucas wants to be picked up and snuggled but Joshua is crying and I have to nurse him or hold him. I can’t put down a screaming newborn. 
When I get home from work, the very first thing I want to do (after going to the bathroom and washing my hands) is check on Lucas and pick him up for a cuddle (he’s in bed by the time I get home) and say hi to Joshua and nurse him. But I cant do both right away. So usually I nurse Joshua first and then once he is happy I go upstairs and say hi to Lucas. But then Joshua starts crying again as soon as I get half way up the stairs. And then my heart breaks into a million pieces when Lucas says mama. 

My favorite word in the entire world right now? It’s Mama. 
Point is, I just need more of me. It’s hard right now, attending to both and doing it well. I feel like one child is always feeling left out or not loved enough. 
I hate that. 

Published by Samantha Mellen

Certified personal trainer & health coach helping women transform their lives through fitness, abundant mindset coaching and internal peace. Mom of two boys, living life in Alaska.

8 thoughts on “When I Wish There Were Two of Me

  1. It's hard in the beginning, when the baby is still so needy and demanding. It's hard on everyone, mama AND the kiddos. It takes an adjustment period. For me that was AT LEAST a year, if not more. My oldest, Jonah will be 4 in March and Lily will be 2 (also in March). Lily was SO demanding. She has a medical condition that had her in quite a bit of pain from birth up until we discovered it (she was 5 months old), so she cried…..all the time. I could never make her feel better and I held such resentment because it seemed my time with Jonah was gone. We couldn't do anything anymore. Well, once lily was older and I was comfortable leaving her, I started making date nights with Jonah. Wether it was going to the grocery store, the library, or to our local high school basketball games, I made sure we had special times alone, once a week or so. And when it came to lily, well….lily got enough of me all day, every day, we didnt need special activities. And as the kids grow, (and lily is so independent now) they entertain one another so well, they barely need me! There are still times I want to hold them both, and I do. I just have to be sitting on the floor or couch to do so. It'll get easier as the baby gets older and less demanding, I promise. And they will understand, sometimes mommy has to do something with the other child. Good luck and please twitter me if u need anything or just want to chat! I'm @mommyinstincts

  2. I have only one child. He seems to know as soon as I get started with something and than really needs me right away. It is hard to balance his need for me and the other things I need to get done.

  3. I know its hard, I remember those days. You will get through this and find balance. Both boys will still need you, but it won't be with the same demanding intensity it is right now. Just hang in there!

  4. I feel that way. I wonder in my bad moments if I'm depriving my kids. My younger of that newborn cuddle time, and my older of one on one mommy time. But I remember that I can't change it, so I try to make my arms fit around both. Story time on the couch allows me to cuddle both, or nurse, which is a lifesaver. People tell me this will pass and I have to believe it. I wonder if I'll miss it?

  5. I so feel ya!!! It does get easier. I think that as the children learn patience they can soothe themselves a little more. I had mine spaced further apart than yours, so my situation is probably not as hard as yours in that mine weren't “babies” together. Of course they were still my baby when the next came along. My daughter (who was 5) had a really hard time when Zach was born. She was really the baby. We spoiled her with us for all 5 years and then she had to share and it was really hard. Sometimes she still has a hard time with it, but the joy of having a playmate/sibling seems to be greater than the annoyance at having to share us.

  6. Ok…ignoring that strange comment above…Let me try to encourage you a bit. I am on baby #3 (he is almost a year) and it is so hard putting one child's needs over the others at the moment. You are constantly having to determine which need/want is more pressing right now, and then you have to act on that one putting aside the other need/want until you have a spare minute. With a newborn, you don't have very many spare minutes.

    Let me say the following…this is actually a good thing. Now, many mom's may disagree with me, but it really is a very appropriate lesson to learn: that all of my immediate wants/needs can't always be met the moment that I feel them. As a mom, our default is to try to give everything we can to our children the moment that they desire it. It is easy to see that that is spoiling when we are talking about toys or junk food. (I'm not saying that picking up a crying child is spoiling them) My oldest, after having a little sister and now a little brother, is very content to wait just a minute if I have to change a dirty diaper or nurse a baby, or even take a nap, even if he wants to show me something or play with me or tell me a story. He knows, because I do play with him and listen to him all day long, that I want to do those things with him, and I will when I have a second. He has learned that his needs/wants are not the most important needs/wants in the world, or even in our house. There are way too many only children who never really learn that. (Much harder to teach a child to share if they never have to share…not impossible…just harder) I am not saying that you should intentionally neglect a child so that they learn to be more independent. That would be equal to abuse. But it is a “perk” of having multiple children. They will learn this out of necessity, and although it kills the mama to see it happen, it is healthy, normal, and universal.

    So grieve it that you don't have an extra set of arms and can't pick up and attend to both of your precious boys at the same time. You love them and want to take care of them! And then be encouraged…as long as you pour attention on them both (albeit at different times), they will feel loved, and learn a very valuable lesson.

    Raising kids is hard.

  7. I know this feeling well! I have four, and most of the time, I feel like they need more than I can give! I had a mom of 5 give me some amazing advice though… ask the Lord to fill the gaps that you leave! We're not perfect; we'll never be able to meet every need of our children (or our husband for that matter). But that's ok, we were never intended to meet their every need. Do your best, then fight the “mommy guilt” with everything in you… because you're doing GREAT!

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