Sex, Marriage, Co-Sleeping, Kids

Warning: This post contains the word sex and discussion about having sex. If this makes you uncomfortable, you may want to skip this post. If you are one of my parents or my in-laws or my grandma, you may also want to skip this post. I promise I’ll share some cute pictures of the kids later. 


Let’s just go ahead and do this. I’ve had this post in my draft folder for something like two weeks, so heck, here it is. I had a lot of balls (bwahahaha) to post this, so you better join in the fun discussion or I’m going to get really embarrassed and cry.

1. Have you ever had sex in your bed and then your sweet co-sleeping baby wakes up and just STARES at you?

{I will never forget that day. I am still laughing about it.}

2. Has your sex drive increased or decreased since having children?

3. Do you think being a mom has made you feel less or more attractive?

4. What do you think the correlation between breastfeeding and intimacy is?

My friend and I were discussing stuff the other day and we had this thought: we (us, moms) are being touched, needed, wanted all day long by our children. Sometimes, do you think, we’re just like I don’t want to be touched anymore!!!!! And it’s like, fine — if you want to have sex, fine, but sorry, my boobs are off limits because I am nursing our child who – in case you didn’t know what that meant hubby, it means that a baby sucks on your nipples – happens to eat every few hours, so no boobies for you!

I can’t do this anymore. Your turn!!

Published by Samantha Mellen

Certified personal trainer & health coach helping women transform their lives through fitness, abundant mindset coaching and internal peace. Mom of two boys, living life in Alaska.

18 thoughts on “Sex, Marriage, Co-Sleeping, Kids

  1. 1. Yes, it was pretty funny to everyone.

    2./3. Days when I feel like i am a “good mom/wife” I feel very attractive which increases my sex drive. However having a “sucky mommy” day or two will squish my sex drive into nothing really fast.

    4. I have to think about it.

    My husband is a boob man who has had to change his game a little, because our son needed them “too much”. I couldn't be sexy wife when he was playing with them only concerned and often leaking mommy.
    He has been understanding and having our daughter only 10 weeks away he is trying to getting all he can before they are feedbags again.

  2. I couldn't agree more! My estrogen levels are so low, due to breastfeeding, my desire is zero, zilch, nada. I've got nothing. The doctor gave me estrogen inserts, but they are annoying. I have 4 months left to make it to my 1 year goal. My husband tries to be patient, but I know it is frustrating for him, especially since I rarely take my nursing tank off.
    Good for you for bringing the subject up! 🙂

  3. Love your disclaimer!

    We luckily have never had the woken up baby thing. My husband is skittish enough as it is with a kid in the room, if that kid woke up it would be such an issue!!

    I think there are just days I feel attractive vs. not. And my drive is definitely down, so it's a challenge. Luckily the mister has never had a problem.

    The nursing thing, though, oh man! I feel unattractive just for the fact I'm wearing a stained ugly nursing bra and I refuse to take it off lest we be showered with milk. That is one thing I will NOT miss about nursing. I love it and will do it as long as my son wants to, but the day he says no more boobs is the day I can get back to wearing pretty undergarments 🙂

  4. I wish this was a discussion we could have with our pregnant friends. I wish I knew to listen and prepare before I had my children. I wish I was prepared for sex to be very different with infants.

    Breastfeeding alone can be a challenge for sex lives. The hormones in our bodies decrease vaginal fluid and saliva – hmmmmm. Our breasts are no longer sexual, and our needs for touch are being met. And it can be physically exhausting!

    There are times when being a mother makes me feel more attractive, more womanly and truly feminine. Motherhood also gives a confidence and maturity that is a real part of our sexuality. Physically my body is different and I'm still learning to accept the new me.

    I'm proud of you for opening this up Samantha, it needs to be discussed!

  5. I had SUCH a hard time dealing with bf'ing and sex. I definitely wouldn't let my husband touch my boobs. If he did, I let it happen for about 1/2 second before redirecting him elsewhere.

    I feel squishy since having 2 babies in 25 months.BUT, I am reclaiming my body! Now that the little one is 6 months he can go into the kids club at the gym and I have no excuses. Hopefully I will start to feel like a sexy mommy!

  6. 1. No, we got lucky and they didn't wake up. But we are not full-time cosleepers, so the chance of it happening was limited anyway.
    2. I'd say it's actually still the same. I have always heard breastfeeding kills sex drive, but that just hasn't been the case for me.
    3. Definitely less! Not only just doing the mom things, but the toll having 5 kids has taken on my body is astounding.
    4. It definitely changes things since sometimes your boobs are sore, or you are leaking all the time, but, thankfully, I don't feel like breastfeeding alone has done any major damage to the level of intimacy in our marriage.

  7. Hey there, I'm popping over here from your link on Diaper Swappers, because this is a great topic!

    My baby is 9 weeks old, so it's a different situation than if I had an older little one. But so far, almost every time I've had sex my baby has already been awake in the bed. He hasn't stared, but he does look at me, and I just make happy-baby-faces at him. It doesn't really cause a disconnect for me, although I certainly see why it could for others.

    My sex drive has definitely gone down. It dwindled during pregnancy and then died entirely after the baby was born. There are other reasons I have sex besides just “sex drive”, though, like general physical intimacy, so I am still having sex now and then. I don't feel more or less attractive since having a baby.

    I don't really understand the last question about breastfeeding and intimacy. Breastfeeding creates intimacy between me and my baby, of course. It doesn't really relate to the intimacy between me and my partner. My boobs are not erogenous for me right now, but that doesn't affect our intimacy level.

  8. 1. we are everynight co-sleepers since the day he was born, so my son has awaken more than once to us, so we've moved our canoodling to the guest room (eek sorry guests i promise i wash the sheets!) so it isnt as great as a problme as it used to be.

    2. hmmm i would say it varies, someweeks its crazy other weeks its just not happening. but i would most def say kids play a role cause if my son is giving us a hard time at bed time chances are theres going to be no mama dada time after.
    3. hmmmm thats a hard one cause i feel like a hot mom when im all dressed up and looking fancy but day to day in my sweatpants and t shirt eh sexy is the last thing on my mind.
    4. haha wehn i was breastfeeding, my boobs would just leak and leak and leak whenever we were doing it. most times my bra never came off cause my boobs would just leak everywhere.

  9. 1. we are everynight co-sleepers since the day he was born, so my son has awaken more than once to us, so we've moved our canoodling to the guest room (eek sorry guests i promise i wash the sheets!) so it isnt as great as a problme as it used to be.

    2. hmmm i would say it varies, someweeks its crazy other weeks its just not happening. but i would most def say kids play a role cause if my son is giving us a hard time at bed time chances are theres going to be no mama dada time after.
    3. hmmmm thats a hard one cause i feel like a hot mom when im all dressed up and looking fancy but day to day in my sweatpants and t shirt eh sexy is the last thing on my mind.
    4. haha wehn i was breastfeeding, my boobs would just leak and leak and leak whenever we were doing it. most times my bra never came off cause my boobs would just leak everywhere.

  10. As soon as we got the all clear from the doctor, we decided to try letting the baby sleep in his room. He slept in a bounce seat so we could put him in the other room while we were doing the deed and bring him back when it was over:) It seems like it would totally ruin an already difficult to get mood for me! Now he sleeps in his own room, so it's not a problem.
    In the beginning, I had absolutely no sex drive but I really wanted to feel like my husband wanted to have sex with me. I felt like a deflated balloon, so I really needed that extra affection from DH. Now I think I have more of a sex drive than my husband:) Maybe it's my itch for another baby!
    Now that I'm a stay at home mom I do notice that I tend to stay in workout clothes all day. I definitely feel better and more sexy when I get dressed (in real clothes) and do my hair and makeup.
    So far the boobs have been off limits to DH. I'm so nervous that I'll start leaking and then I still have days when they are just sore

  11. I don't think we've ever had sex in the bed while our babies/kids are sleeping, but its more because I tend to not want sex at night before bed. I'm a morning gal, so we do it in the shower before our day starts 🙂

  12. 1. Have you ever had sex in your bed and then your sweet co-sleeping baby wakes up and just STARES at you?

    No. We have never had sex with Abigail is the room. We are still cosleeping. She is almost 4 years old.

    2. Has your sex drive increased or decreased since having children?

    It decreased until I stopped breastfeeding at 3.5 years old.

    3. Do you think being a mom has made you feel less or more attractive?

    I have not lost the baby weight. I feel less attractive.

    4. What do you think the correlation between breastfeeding and intimacy is?

    I didn't want DH toughing my breast until 6 months after I stopped bfing.

  13. Comment try #2

    1. I can't do anything with the baby in our bed, so we either have our fun in the living room, bathroom, etc. Or he gets to sleep in his otherwise useless crib for a little while!

    2. & 4. Breastfeeding has been horrible for my sex drive and my ability to have sex without intense pain. Up until about the 8 month mark, I was at the “I'll do anything in the world to prove I love you and want you, but please don't ask me for actual intercourse” fortunately hubby was as great as he could be for that. Now that I'm not as dry as the Sahara anymore I've gon almost into overdrive…now if my toddler's radar would shut down for a few nights…

    I've moved from the no touching the boobs at all, to just be gentle…he's not so big on getting squirted so he's mostly ok with that.

    3. Even though I know hubby finds me just as or even more attractive as a mom, I am still extremely uncomfortable with all the extra skin and flab. Hopefully I'll feel better about myself once I start going to a gym that has good childcare! Really looking forward to that for several reasons!

  14. 1. Have you ever had sex in your bed and then your sweet co-sleeping baby wakes up and just STARES at you?
    Yes, it was really weird lol. My husband used to be really skittish about having a baby in the room but five years and four babies later it does not phase him

    2. Has your sex drive increased or decreased since having children?
    It is about the same, I have never had an issue with sex drive.

    3. Do you think being a mom has made you feel less or more attractive?
    My husband thinks I am more attractive, I have days I agree but I long for my former skinny self ( which I am working on getting back to )

    4. What do you think the correlation between breastfeeding and intimacy is?
    The first two kids my husband would not go near my boobs ( since he got leaked on really bad the first time after having our first lol ) but it does not bother him anymore. I do not really like them being touch right after having a baby but when the baby is older it does not bother me so much.

  15. Ok, I've been super busy, but I'm finally getting around to this post Samantha! I'm sorry it took me so long!

    1. Have you ever had sex in your bed and then your sweet co-sleeping baby wakes up and just STARES at you?

    We lived with Derek's parents when Kyley was a baby and we all had ONE room to share, so yes, this has happened but not often. We try to make sure no kids are even awake, much less in the room if at all possible.

    2. Has your sex drive increased or decreased since having children?

    It varies. I wouldn't say my drive has decreased much, but my time to act on that drive has diminished three fold… By the time I get to go to bed at night, Derek's been in bed and asleep for hours and most other times of the day just don't work for us for various reasons.

    3. Do you think being a mom has made you feel less or more attractive?
    Definately less. I am not the woman I used to be (figure wise that is) I'll be brutally honest and say this is probably where I struggle the most. I have a very low opinion of my body and when you're not confidant and have no positive self esteem, there's no “want” to feel sexy either. Derek can tell me all day long how beautiful/sexy I am to him, but I just feel like he's lying to me, even if he's not. Even outside of sex, I'm just having a hard time losing weight and so I'm still having to wear some maternity clothes just to make sure I have something to wear, and that eats as one's esteem as well.

    4. What do you think the correlation between breastfeeding and intimacy is? I definately feel like in the beginning when your boobs are still adjusting to nursing (or in my case nursing AGAIN) then it's hard for that to be something you see as sexual. I am finally getting to a point where it doesn't bother me for him to touch them, but I still have to remind him to be gentle at times. Thankfully he's gracious and it doesn't bother him if I have to ask him to stop.

    Idk… just a tough subject for moms mostly because we all feel like we have so much on our plates and little time for ourselves, the last thing we want to do is give MORE of us most of the time…

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